Our January 28th meeting--'Spicing Up Your Marriage'--has been rescheduled for March 27, because we heard from so many of you that you were really looking forward to discussing this topic! So... keep offering your suggestions and questions!
Below are some of the questions you submitted. Some are included in the comments section of this post, and I believe there are 4 other past posts of questions as well. You can comment anonymously, so lets help each other out!!!
10 comments:
Question: I'd like to know how to express to my husband in a loving and effectual way that his "jokes" about wanting sex "tonight" still puts the responsibility in my lap. I'd like him to understand that if he's waiting for my lobido to catch up with his, it will be a long wait. I am not oppossed to sex, I can have it when I want,and am willing to at other times (i.e.when it's not my idea.) but it is not often enough for him. But he still expects me to initiate. Help!!
How do I get over the fear of "being walked in on" by our kids, or not wanting to have sex when there are visitors in the house, because my husband doesn't have that issue. In fact, it seems to really egg him on to want to have sex. Am I being a prude, or is he being too adventurous for my nerves and I need to just adjust?
Question: Fun ideas to spice it up... that won't get laughed at!
It has never been that pleasurable, sometimes it is just to much work to enjoy especially with children...Any suggestions?
I know how frustrating it can be to be "hassled" into having sex by you husband. What I've tried is to make a "rondevu" with him and let him know what needs to be done to get to that point. Spell it out clearly, like "the kids needs to be asleep, the dishes need to be done, etc" Also choose a time that both of you are not tired and tell him you would like some wild and passonate sex like you have before kids and he'll do whatever it takes.
Answer: "Being Walked in on"... That fear is very great. I understand, I can often be looking over at the door, but for peace of mind when the kids were small we put a baby gate infront of their door and as they got older we locked our own door. I would rather them be banging on our door if they "happen" to wake up than see us.
Answer: Getting in the mood... I remember Gary Smalley (Marriage therapist)on a video I watched once telling the husbands to give their wives 20 "nonsexual" touches everyday. A pat on the back,a rub on the arm, ect. go a long way when trying to get in the mood. Now I will tell my husband, did I get my 20 touches yet? It helps to remember to slow down and enjoy each other, instead of just having a hectic day and then trying to jump in the sack.
Question: Although we never planned on having our children sleep in our bed, during the baby stage it was much easier for us. Now the kids are older and we still enjoy sharing our bed, but how do we keep this from making our love life nonexsistant?
I often feel all "touched out" by the end of the day when my hubby comes home. How can I overcome this and also explain to my husband that grabbing my rear or attempting to cop a quick feel only makes me feel resentful, not in the mood? I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I know how important sex is in a marriage, but currently all the subject does is make me resentful.
Let's face it...a good sexual relationship takes work for both marriage partners. I suggest that you pick a date night..and plan on TALKING about your sexual relationship and what you both want from it. Sometimes I think that we as couples don't talk about "it" for years just expecting "what comes natural" will make this part of marriage balanced and pleasurable. I know I have had a hard time over the years communicating that certain things have to happen for me to be in the mood. If my husband isn't there for me in other ways..there is no way I feel like having sex with him. I want to suggest that you talk about it and make known to each other your needs and wants in this area too.
On another note..when the kids get older..it is much easier to lock the door and tell them that when it is locked they are not to bother you.. with babies and toddlers it is very hard to do this. So..you have to be purposeful in making this happen remembering what you vowed to each other in the first place. Hope you will try this and see what happens. Good Luck!
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